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Please shut up: Virginity is the last thing that women need a lecture on

Let me warn you this article is not for kids because kids in India are not supposed to read all these ‘ashlil vichaar

Tuesday January 15, 2019 3:24 PM, Ila Kazmi

Virginity

Let me warn you this article is not for kids because kids in India are not supposed to read all these ‘ashlil vichaar’.

Are you looking for a post supporting your misogynist thoughts ? Wait!

Well, you are at the wrong place because this article will disappoint you.

Recently, a Kolkata professor took to social media to teach young boys that ‘Virgin girls are like sealed bottle’ and they should not make fool out of them by choosing ‘unsealed’ ones.

After all the angry reactions, professor at Jhadav University Kanak Sarkar deleted his facebook post saying that It was his opinion. Shouldn’t be there a gadget to delete all these misogynistic opinions from the minds of Indian Men.

I come from a place where I had heard about people getting their wife tested to know whether they are virgin or not. The problem is in the head of society and both the section of men and women contribute to it. If a professor at a university speak like this what can we expect from other men.

Men will be men, true that. When its about getting married half of these men are seeking for Virgin woman (they might not be one themself). When we as women are finding a match we hardly look for virgin boys. So why always people question girls about their virginity? It’s her body and her right to choose.

From female mutilation to two-finger test, the sexual desire of women was always a thing society wanted to curb. Was the patriarchs of society scared? Scared that women will be better if they start expressing their sexual desire? Why a Virgin girl? Because she will not be able to get to know how good her male mate is.

Women were always a victim of male insecurities. Because more the woman learn, more she will explore about herself, the more pressure will be on the men to satisfy her women.

The day a girl is born, people start telling her what she should do and what she should not do. She immediately becomes a property of the society – someone who not only has to embibe the ‘good girl’ values but also has to turn into a perfectly charming woman for a man to get attracted towards her.

And if a girl wants to live her life the way she wants, she is judged and her family is blamed for not bringing her up like a ‘good cultured’ girl.

More often than not, she even struggles to garner the respect of her family because her family’s honour lies in her bleeding hymen after first night of marriage. And if that doesn’t happen then her family’s ‘honour’ is lost for good.

Everyone talks about what a man needs, what he wants and what he desires. But, very rarely do we ask the same questions to women.

For instance, have you ever seen men lingerie in three pieces or two pieces, in different shades, patterns, designs or prints? But for women, the male gaze decides what our underwears should look like. The society is constructed in such a way that women just can’t win! She has to be smart, pretty, thin, hot and get shamed at the same time for sleeping with men.
Men on the other hand are studs if they sleep around.

Men it seems are too hell bent upon finding the perfect ‘virgin’ match. But do we, as women, really care about finding a virgin man? Probably not. Then why the pressure on women? Not many understand that just like men, women too have 100% rights over their bodies.

As a woman, one constantly under pressure of being ‘accepted’. And virginity is the last thing that women need a lecture on. Now is the time that we as society, should stop treating women as a property and start recognizing them as a human with equal rights and freedom.

[Ila Kazmi is a student of journalism at AJ K MCRC]

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